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Leanne Shawler's avatar

Great descriptions! I can see it!

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Nicole Paton's avatar

Thank god for this opening, as I was extremely worried about Vorn at the end of chapter 1, and with that, I could rest a little easier.

I really like Vorn's vision of the wall and his elders falling. When chapter 1 mentioned that as long as they got all the mortals behind the wall, everyone would be safe... I immediately started to worry about it falling.

And I can't believe his parents just turned away from him. I know it was a vision, and possibly just Tarneb's poison playing with his mind, but it creates a huge amount of tension and worry.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and am already looking forward to the next chapters.

Just a little side note to say that I think I might be a bit in love with Zera (I can feel a major girl-crush coming on) and the world you have built for them is just stunning! I absolutely loved that whole paragraph of description - the tree, I found a particular stand-out. I love a world I can properly visualise, especially when it is full of people I can really care about!

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Maximilian Siddell's avatar

Than you for your kind words. I truely appreciate your time and attention. Yeah Zera's quite fun to write, I like the dynamic between her and Vorn. Thanks for reading!

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Reginald Clay's avatar

I really liked the way the last sentence tied the vision to reality and offered up the prospect of an interesting meeting between Vorn and Thoh.

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Maximilian Siddell's avatar

Oh oops. I saw it on my feed immediately after leaving that comment

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Maximilian Siddell's avatar

Thank you Reginald. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

How's the next chapter of your story going?

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Reginald Clay's avatar

I'm a fan of your work!

I'm enjoying the process of writing this story, it's really fun.

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